if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I think my moral compass just broke
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
