if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
