Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
