Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
