One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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