A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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