please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
