im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize