Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
