shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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