Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
