the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
