I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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