That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize