So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
