I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
