No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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