gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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