i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
