I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
