I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
