u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
