you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
