Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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