you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize