so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
