I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm just crazy horny about you
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
