I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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