Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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