I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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