Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
We were destined to go to rehab together
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
