my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
