Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
