Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
you never un-have a 4some
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
