bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize