I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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