End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
