Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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