Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
