I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize