Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
