Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
