The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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