PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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