Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
