Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
