There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Randomize
