How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
