She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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