I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize