your parents love me but you hate me
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
