You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
