Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
