pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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