ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
