Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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