Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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