Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
