just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
