She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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