Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
