I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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