Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
