so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
