all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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