I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
