barbara walters just said penis...
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
These tits shall not be calmed
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