Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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