fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
