I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
