I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
