ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
