i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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