It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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