I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
