OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
