Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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