we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
