i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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