Pappa wants mamma naked
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
