a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
