At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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