Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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