My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
