i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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