i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
