I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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