Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
