my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
