"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
