What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
