My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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