thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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