I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
