The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
