I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
