and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize