Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
