Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
