my sisters under your porch take her home
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
