Porn is love you can see.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
