The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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