there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
