OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
