I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
