pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
