she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
