Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize