dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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