I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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