ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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