Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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