Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
