FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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