Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize