Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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