I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
