She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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